Be still and know that I am God.

You know how there times when you crave to hear certain kinds of music? It could be the season or the mood, the need for energy or relaxation, but whatever the reason there's just the right kind of music for that particular moment in time.

Lately, for me, it's been the songs of Taize.

Taize is actually a very modern ecumenical monastic order in Taize, France (founded in the 1960s). But what is distinctive about this Christian community is its meditative style of worship that combines silence with sacred choral music and short readings that are intended to calm the soul so that you can experience a moment with God. It is prayer without words. And yet it is also not prayer in solitude or isolation. The Taize experience is actually built around the community, a shared experience, even in silence.

My church in Toronto practiced Taize once and awhile, as the part of the worship during our Sunday services. It was incredibly refreshing, albeit often much too short. We'd sing a Taize song, read a prayer, and sit in silence for a while. But then the service would continue on and the busy-ness of life would pick up again.

I guess right now I crave silence and meditation because life has gotten pretty hectic for me and I've had a lot on my mind. While I like being busy and having things to do, checklists to cross off and tasks to accomplish, I also enjoy quiet times. Unfortunately, when life gets busy like this, my quiet times often turn into wasted down time, either in front of the TV or puttering about while listening to the radio or to music. I don't actually take time to be silent. I guess this is why Taize has been on my mind lately. Silence is a very hard discipline to practice. You have to be intentional about it, and set aside time and energy (because sleeping doesn't count) to practice silence. And you have to stop talking.

I really like what the Taize website says about the value of silence:

Sometimes we are apparently silent, and yet we have great discussions within, struggling with imaginary partners or with ourselves. Calming our souls requires a kind of simplicity: "I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvellous for me." Silence means recognising that my worries can’t do much. Silence means leaving to God what is beyond my reach and capacity. A moment of silence, even very short, is like a holy stop, a sabbatical rest, a truce of worries.

Read the whole article here.

I know that a lot of my friends who may follow my blog aren't the churchy type, and that's fine. I still think there is a lot of value in taking time to be silent and for meditation in whatever form you may see fit (introspective, retrospective, or maybe even extrospective).

I close with this last thought, again from the Taize website:
When words and thoughts come to an end, God is praised in silent wonder and admiration.

Mini Vacation: Day 3

Another productive day! Here's what I did:

1. Get new glasses. Check.
It took me the better part of an hour trying on many, many pairs of glasses, but I finally settled on 2 pairs that I hope suit me. It's a difficult process (picking out new frames), and I'm having a tinge of buyer's regret on my 2nd pair but, in the end, I'm sure I'll be happy with what I chose. If you're wondering, I got them at Pearle Vision (which used to be Shoppers Optical, which used to be Shorney's Optical) because they have a great BOGO promotion on now.

2. Start Kimono Shawl. Check.
This is going to take me a long time to finish....but it'll be worth it, right?

I've also discovered a limit to my perfectionism. Am I willing to rip out 3 rows (of 117 stitches each) to correct a missed ssk? Nope. I just don't have the heart to start ripping at this stage in the game. I'm going to consider this my purposeful mistake or my "humility block" and keep on going. Of course, this also means I have to be vigilant about keeping to the pattern and catching any mistakes as soon as they're made. It would not do to have any more mistakes!

3. Run Errands. Check.
Things pile up fast, and having a business day to run errands (like banking) is invaluable. It's hard not to pack in a full day of errands on EDO Mondays but I am determined to save time for a little bit o' fun.

4. Sightsee. Check.
This is on my 2009 To Do List (see the sidebar on my front page). Basically, I want to use my EDO Mondays to see more of the city and the surrounding areas. Today I visited St. Paul's Church. It's the oldest Protestant church in North America, built in 1750 and has a whole lot of history I'm not going to get into tonight.

Instead I'll show you some pictures and share with you the bits of the church I found the most interesting.

I love stained glass windows. Someday, when I have a house of my own, I will have a stained glass window. Someday. Well, let me tell you, there were plenty of stained glass windows at St. Paul's! I took a picture of this one (below) because it depicts (I think) the story from Mark that our sermon on Sunday was based on.And this window (below) really shows the intricate detail of the stained glass work. And there is another window that tells an entirely different story at St. Paul's. The "explosion window" below was shattered during the Halifax Explosion in 1917 and some say that the void left by the shattered glass resembles the likeness of a one of the early church assistants. Whether you believe the story or not, the window is interesting and has been left "in tact" (or should that be "broken"?) since the Explosion.
Oh, and I also love the intricate detail of this pulpit, especially as it appears to frame one of the original 19th century stained glass windows in the chancel behind the pulpit. I'm quite pleased with this shot, actually. And here's more detail (I like floor grates too!): And I leave you with this last thought to consider:Now, off to bed! I need energy for Day 4. There's lots still to accomplish.

(Looking forward to my "other" vacation this summer that will be the antithesis of this one - ie. go to the cottage and plan to accomplish nothing!)

EDO Monday : A lovely day at York Redoubt

This EDO Monday I was determined to make the most of my day and enjoy doing a little sightseeing. I debated about wandering around Point Pleasant Park or checking out York Redoubt. York Redoubt won.

(Click on any of the images in this post to make them bigger.)
It was a gorgeous day for a walk - 14 C weather and not too sunny (so I didn't get sunburnt). Also, being a Monday, there was hardly anyone on the grounds. I was able to wander around pretty much on my own, without bumping into people. [Does that make me sound too reclusive?]

There were a few things that struck me about this National Historic Site. First of all, it's free! They do have visiting hours, but you can basically walk in and around at your leisure. The other thing that struck me was that the military structures - like the powder magazine and the south caponier - were all open to walk in.

One of the highlights [literally] was the highest point on the site - the Fire Command Post, which was still active as late as the 1950s. There were several ways to get up to the command post - a gravelled road, and a wooden staircase, but I took the path less travelled and stumbled upon [not literally] these stairs carved right into the rock.

From the top you look out over the harbour opening into the Atlantic (left), and see Halifax in the distance behind you (right).

When I came down from my high, I bumped into the first person I had seen since arriving - the grounds-keeper (whose name I didn't get). We had a nice chat and he told me a bit more about the grounds in the summertime (apparently it's quite beautiful when the wild roses bloom in mid-July. And it will be a great vantage point when the Tall Ships sail into the harbour this summer. He also told me about the path that leads down to the York Shore Battery. I could see the Battery from the cannons but didn't know if or how I could get down there.

The grounds-keeper said that all you had to do was go outside the gate, and follow the path along the exterior of the wall and it would take you to a gravel road which leads to the shore.

I followed the path for awhile until I came across a trail behind one of the abandoned military buildings. I wondered if it might be a "shortcut" that would take me closer to the Shore Battery. Um, not so much. The trail was steep, and I wasn't wearing my proper hiking shoes, and there were fallen branches and loose leaves and loose dirt, and I nearly went down the trail head-first several times. The trail ended up taking me right on top of the searchlights (which you'll see in pictures below from a different vantage point).

So my "shortcut" was actually a very labour-intensive climbing excursion that left me huffing and puffing when I got to the top. Fortunately, I bumped into my second person - a dog-walker who was surrounded by 5 dogs of various breeds and sizes. She was very friendly and helpful and pointed me in the right direction. Actually, as it turns out, had I followed the gravelled path a little further, I would've seen the fork in the road (right) - the high road goes to a Federal building up the road from York Redoubt, and the lower road goes straight to the York Shore Battery.

So here's another thing I was struck by on my walk: the number of military buildings. The grounds-keeper did mention that this was the main military post, which probably explains why there were buildings almost around every corner. And I was even more impressed when I saw the York Shore Battery. It must've been quite a site when it was operational. Here's what it looks like:


| The York Shore Battery .............| Searchlights

| Looking through a window.......| Looking back up the road
This was such a lovely walk, with a little discovery - a new building or a budding tree - to be found around every corner. I even tried a self-portrait, though I was a little off in my aim (and the dog-walker passed by just as I was about to take a 2nd shot).

There was one last stop before I left York Redoubt - Stella Maris Catholic Church. I hadn't noticed this church until the ground-keeper pointed it out. It was built for the soldiers, but is outside the gates of York Redoubt and is actually owned and maintained by the Herring Cove Catholic Parish.

As it so happened, I bumped into the church's grounds-keeper when I was admiring the building. He was there to inspect a broken window and to wait for the police to arrive to report the vandalism. He told me a bit more about the building - the church has been decommissioned and the Parish is actually hoping to sell the property because it's just too costly to maintain. He couldn't tell me when it was built, but the registered property plaque says 1846. The statue of Mary is not the original, the original was wooden but dried out and split, and despite being told that the church had beautiful stained glass by 2 different people, it actually has none. It was never meant to be decorative, just functional for the soldiers. There is still a bell in the bell-tower but it's never rung. The last time the church was used was in September for a wedding. The groundskeeper said that the church was built by a ship-builder(?), and, apparently the towers bow (or slant) a little due to prevailing ocean winds.

So, that's it. It was a fun day, and this was a long post to write...but well worth it. If you're ever in the Purcell's Cove area, you should definitely make your way to York Redoubt. I'd imagine it would be especially pretty in the Fall!

Preparing for Lent

Last night I celebrated Shrove Tuesday by making crepes. This tradition goes way back, though typically it's pancakes, not crepes, that are made. The idea is to use up rich foods like eggs, milk and sugar before Lenten fasting. Crepes are made from the same ingredients as pancakes, just thinner, and I had been craving them since being served delicious crepes on my last morning in Toronto! I had a few ingredients that I figured would work nicely for savory crepes - tomatoes, parsley, mushrooms and cheese.

But you know, in the end, I preferred the delicious crepes with lemon and sugar. The crepes are lighter and zingy and taste so good!
And so Lenten fasting begins. Though this year I'm not actually giving up any tasty treats; I've decided to give up facebook instead. Facebook a huge time-sucker for me, and honestly I know I can be doing other things. So, I'm refocussing the time spent on Facebook on more quality things, like giving my time to my community (more on this later), getting involved in a church community, and other things.

Lent is supposed to be a time of sacrifice, remembrance, reflection and devotion. It's because of the significance behind the act of sacrifice (giving up something you enjoy, and giving up of yourself) that I choose to practice Lent, and not because of church tradition. This may be obvious to those who know that I grew up in the Baptist church, a denomination that doesn't practice Lent.

I'm not sure if I should admit this or not but so far giving up Facebook hasn't been that hard. It's really just been about breaking the habit, and not wasting my time being nosy ;).

Reflections on Church Shopping

One thing I've learned after my move, was that the summer is a really lousy time to start looking for a church. Programs end for the summer, staff/leadership usually take summer holidays and laypeople or guest speakers are called in to speak, and attendence is irregular (students are gone, families and children aren't around, etc.), thus making it very difficult to find out what a church is really like.

I tried 3 Baptist churches over the summer months with the hope that one of them might be a good fit. My hope was to stay within the convention simply because I grew up in Convention Baptist churches, I'm aligned with their doctrine (for the most part), and, I'll be honest, it's what I'm used to. The church I left behind in Toronto was a Convention Baptist. But of the 3 churches I tried, none of them seemed a good fit. Here are my thoughts on each:

The first I attended was closest (in proximity) to where I was living in May-June. It was a little church with a very w.a.s.p.'y congregation. The worship was uber-traditional - hymns and an organ, and "contemporary worship" meant songs I used to sing at camp in the 80s (As the deer, There is a Redeemer, etc.), traditional structure of service, and the women dressed in skirts and blouses and the men in suits. I found the latter, most of all, off-putting. I don't mind dressing up for church, but I don't like feeling like I have to dress up. I'm looking for a church where I can be myself...in jeans (if I so choose). One church crossed off the list.

The second church I attended a couple of times. It's about a 10 min car ride away from me. Again, another w.a.s.p'y congregation, which I really don't get! Yes, I know Halifax is not as ethnically diverse as Toronto, and yes, the subdivisions (where these churches are) do tend to be fairly homogeneous, but surely there are more than white-anglo-saxons interested in worshipping God in these neighbourhoods!? My mother calls me a "reverse racist" which is a little extreme, but she's kind of right. After worshipping with my church in Toronto, one thing I've learned to value is the diversity of opinion, interpretation and spiritual experience. That's not to say that all w.a.s.p's share the same spiritual experience, because I know we don't. Each one of us brings something different to the table (the Lord's Table). Still, if you're living in communities with other cultures, I think you're missing the mark if the church is not opening up to these cultures, in one way or another. There's just something wrong when you go to a grocery store and see a wide variety of cultures in the produce section, and go to a church in the same community and can't find one person that isn't a w.a.s.p.
Another strike against this church was summed up nicely by a visiting speaker - a single woman who has been a missionary in Korea for the last 20 years - who spoke on the topic of "Can I be single, and happy too?". Her sermon was really quite good, and put singleness in a whole new perspective for me (but that would be another blog discussion), but at the end, she said what I had been thinking after my 2+ visits to that church - "are you a church that is friendly and welcominging to singles?" The answer, in my experience, was no. This was a church for seniors and for families. Not for singles. None of the ministries looked like they could accommodate a single woman without making said woman feel like the odd woman out. That's not to say I didn't feel welcome, because if one thing could be said for this church - they are welcoming! During the dreaded "shake hands with the people around you time" I had so many people come up to me, introduce themselves, barrage me with questions about myself that it would be unfair for me to accuse them of not being welcoming. But as a single, well, that's a different matter. I was definitely on my own there, and an obvious target for the confirmed socialite bachelor (because we all know every church has one) to swoop in "to welcome" me. (You laugh because you know its true!)

The third church, (and now I'm starting to feel like John talking to the seven churches of Revelation) was an inner-city church. I had high-hopes for this one. It has a long history, and though not "downtown" it's close enough to the heart of the city. This church, unlike the other two, did have good representation from a wide demographic - young and old, mixed cultures, student/academics, etc. Seems like a good mix really. I tried this church several times, always seeming to miss the Senior Pastor and landing there to hear a guest speaker...which is fine too. But after each service, I left with a nagging feeling that there's an unrest at that church. I've heard through the grape-vine that there's been leadership problems in recent years which would certainly feed that problem, but the unrest seems to run even deeper than leadership. It reminds me a lot of Walmer in some ways - lots of ministry potential, but in desperate need for help to coordinate the ministries. And I would expect it's running across the same problems - where to find people to help in a transient congregation. For this reason, I'm not going to go to this church. Though I loved Walmer deeply and built amazing relationships out of my involvement there, I think I need a rest right now. I need to find a church where I can serve whole-heartedly but without feeling like I'm the only one who's willing to do the job. It's that simple.

So, I'm a little disappointed with the Halifax area Baptist churches to say the least. But I'm not giving up. I attended a pseudo-Bretheren church today with strong IVCF roots and came away from the service with a good feeling. And I'd like to try a local non-Convention Baptist church.
The former could be quite promising. I recognized a few people in the congregation from a previous church I attended about 10 years ago, and from my camp days 15 years ago. The worship was lively and the congregation seemed anything but bland and homogeneous (when you looked around - the people didn't all look the same). At one point the worship leader asked the congregation if they were glad to be there, and there were loud cheers all 'round. The teaching was sound (albeit once again it was a guest speaker!). And I have to tell you about the worship band if only because it made me chuckle silently in my seat. At first glance the worship band was comprised of most 20/30 somethings with guitars etc., except for one white-haired middle-aged woman wearing a pink top with an embroidered white cardigan who played - get this! - the drums. It was almost comical to see her playing with her black headset contrasting so clearly against her white hair. You'd be more likely to find the same sort of woman at the church organ in any of the other churches I've been to thus far. Interesting.

And that's what I think about my church-shopping experience to this point.

Goodbye dear friend

(A blury photo of my old church taken in the summer of 2005)

Last Sunday my best friend called to tell me that the church we grew up in, and came to faith in was burning down. We knew that church intimately, every room, every nook & cranny:

• the crevice in choir closet that was big enough to squeeze into and deep enough to fit at least two people, possibly 3
• the closet in a closet that also led to a passageway underneath the stage in the sanctuary that was big enough to keep the street hockey equipment and also to hide in during "Spotlight"
• the sanctuary with wooden pews that would creak when you moved
• the kitchen where we spent many hours crafting (Ukrainian eggs, cake decorating, baking & cooking all sorts of things)
• the vestry where we met as a youth group

The church has been abandoned for several years, and (to be honest) when I received the call I wasn't as shaken up as my friend was because I was a little surprised the church was still standing. I had "said goodbye" about a year ago, the last time I visited the town, when I learned that it was going to be torn down to build condos (argh! you can see condo development encroaching on small town Nova Scotia now!).

Here are some photos. I can't take any credit for the photography. They were emailed to me by another friend:

ISAIAH 43:2
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

On a retreat

I'm back from a weekend retreat in the Muskoka. It was a lovely time spent with my family away from family. It was nice to talk with people in a less formal setting. It was even better to be away from the city, not a high-rise in sight, you could stand still and not hear any traffic or city sounds. And though the ground was soft, and rather mucky, and the skies were grey, it was beautiful outdoors!